When It Turns Out To Be

How am I suppose to breathe
When the world is too heavy upon me?
How am I suppose to continue
When the path is lost in front of me?

The glory of the past cannot
Shed light over my future.
I am lost in the moment,
Like the last time I went astray.

So tough are the days;
Harder and harder each day.
What am I leaving behind
When I have no more lights to pay?

It used to be so easy
To reach the sky alone.
It never occurred to me
That sometimes you lose when
You're on your own.

Yet I started to bend my knees
When the scores came falling down.
I trembled and cried, but
Even the tears were black in the dark.

It feels as if I am crippled,
In some ways others can't see.
Still, I laugh, joke and sing,
But silence myself when I turn.

I used to cry like a babe,
But now the tears only fill my eyes.
I hide myself behind sarcasm,
Feeling better to liveIn those tender lies.

What am I going to do,
After all the trying and falling,
When it turns out to be
What I did not expect it to be?

Many say I am talented,
And I too think so.

Maybe I am arrogant,
But I do not care.
I no more ask much:
Only a mere place to stand.

I promised myself a better future.

And now I
Keep reminding myself that
I know who I am.

Contradiction

Pain, hatred and rage.
Fear, despair and cage.

Shouts, yells and misunderstandings.
Cries, screams and self-harm.

Tears blurred my vision;
Scars bled yet again.
Scolded for being so fragile,
As if I was willing to become this.

You are too blind to see,
Too deaf to listen.
Yet how come I still love you
After all these had happened?

Again

Again and again,
The restless waves
Splash and crash
Onto the rocks at the bay.

Bubbles rise,
White and black,
All merge into the blur
Of the burning madness.

Again and again,
The restless waves.
They never listen
To the aching haul of the wind.

Even when the clouds thickens
In the great, gray heavens,
Never do they listen;
Never do they stop.

Again and again,
The restless waves
Splash the curse and
Madness onto the bay.

Too heavy to shoulder;
Too hard to take.
I run away screaming
With my pain trailing behind.